The Bizzle

"Saving your ass since 1999"

The Santa Claus Letters 2: Elf ‘n’ safety


Bizzles LLP

13th December 2011

Dear Sirs

Re: Agreement between the Santa Claus Group and Little Timmy

Thank you for your letter of 9th December. We will take instructions from our client and revert to you with a revised draft.

In the meantime, we are instructed to obtain certain information from you by way of due diligence. We would accordingly be grateful if you would provide answers to the following questions:

1. Please identify the person responsible for health and safety matters at the address to which the Presents are to be delivered (hereinafter referred to as “the Premises”). Your client should note that the designation of such a person does not relieve any person, including without limitation Little Timmy and his parents, guardian, siblings or imaginary friends (if any), from their statutory responsibilities.

2. Please provide a plan of the Premises showing the following clearly marked:

  • the location and extent of the designated sleigh landing and take off;
  • a point of access and egress large enough to accommodate one man of substantial build together with one sack containing the Presents;
  • the internal location at which the Presents are to be delivered;
  • fire exits.

3. Please confirm that the landing and take off area is of sufficient extent to accommodate one sleigh (approximately 12′ long) and 6 reindeer, with turning circle. Please also confirm that this area will be free of all obstacles, snow etc at all relevant times.

4. If the point of access and egress is to be a chimney, please confirm the type of fire installed (if any) and provide assurances from your client that it will not be lit between 11pm on 24th December and 5am on 25th December. We would draw your attention in this context to clause 7.1 of the Agreement regarding liability for personal injury and damage to beard and costume.

5. Notwithstanding that our client does not accept responsibility or liability for use of the Presents (see clause 7.5 of the Agreement), we are required under the provisions of the Consumer Protection (Seasonal Gifts) Regulations 2003 to ensure that our customers meet any age criteria specified in respect of items to be delivered. To this end, please provide a certified copy of Little Timmy’s birth certificate.

6. Please provide a copy of the following:

  • a current fire safety certificate for the Premises;
  • your client’s public liability insurance policy;
  • if the landing area is to be the roof of the Premises, a surveyor’s report confirming that such roof is capable of bearing the required load (approx. 3.5 tons including reindeer and Presents).

7. If the landing area is not to be the roof of the Premises, but access and egress is to be via a chimney, please confirm that a ladder capable of bearing the required weight (approx. 18 stone together with the weight of the Presents ordered) will be supplied. Please also provide details of how any such ladder will be fixed to the exterior wall of the Premises.

8. Please provide a copy of your most recent risk assessment undertaken for the Premises, and confirm that relevant areas will be checked regularly to ensure that they are free of hazards including but not limited to chemicals, explosive materials, and untidied toys.

9. Please provide details of any relevant medical conditions suffered by your client. It is particularly important that you advise us in advance regarding any known allergy to reindeer, elves, or beards.

10. Assuming that your client is a minor, please provide a form of Parent Company Guarantee (or the equivalent for any legal guardian who is not a parent) under which the relevant person will undertake to provide the relevant mince pies etc in the event of your client’s breach.

We would also remind your client that under the terms of the Agreement he is responsible for the security and safety of the Premises and the delivery, including where appropriate a police presence and the attendance of the St Johns Ambulance service.

You will appreciate that our client’s ability to effect a safe and timely delivery of the Presents depends on satisfactory answers to the foregoing questions, and we therefore look forward to receiving your full response by return of post.

Yours faithfully

for and on behalf of
Donner, Blitzen and Rudolf LLP

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